he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
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I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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