I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize