onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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