Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize