I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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