Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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