I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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