The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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