I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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