Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
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I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
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Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have already put on my inside pants.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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