I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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