I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize