i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
be right there i have to get my cape
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize