if i can run in heels then i can drive
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
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I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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