I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
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Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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