If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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