She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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