apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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