Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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