I CAN MOONWALK!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize