no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
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Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize