Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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