I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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