Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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