I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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