That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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