Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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