I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
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yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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