i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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