Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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