Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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