Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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