Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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