just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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