i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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