Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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