So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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