I feel like abortions should bother me more
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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