I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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