you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize