I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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