Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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