he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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