we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
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I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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