It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize