My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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