I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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