i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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