his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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