Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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