Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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